Part of me leans toward the hippie, flower-child type who would thrive in the Renaissance Festival lifestyle. Part of me buys Gucci purses and more shoes than necessary and loves having financial security. Part of me wants to be someone; part of me wants to be left alone.
One thing is for sure – all parts of me need to be more grateful. Grateful that I even have the opportunity to decide for myself what parts of me I want to show (or hide). Grateful that I live in a culture that allows me autonomy and respect (well, more respect than some other cultures!). Grateful for the wonderful person I share my life with – The Husband. He is supportive, loving, caring, and funny as heck!
So, who am I? Cher has been quoted comparing being rich and poor, young and old, skinny and fat, and deciding that rich, young, and skinny is preferable. I would agree (although I don’t know about Cher’s level of wealth; I just know that we’re much better off now than we were when we started out). I am older, I am larger. I am unhealthier. I am in more physical pain than before, but less emotional pain than before.
I do not like my job. I do not feel useful and I do not have enough to do (yet people around me feel that I must be busy). I do not like long commutes, yet I chose to take a job farther away than any job I have ever had. What was I thinking? (I was thinking that, “I am unemployed and should really take this job in Minnetonka because it’s only until the end of August.”) Well, it’s September and I am still here – probably until next March unless I find something else. And no more hour-long commutes!
Part of me wants to retire, but I know that a big part of me is too lazy. I need to have something to do, or I risk doing nothing (or not much). Is that so wrong? “Yes,” says part of me. “Why?” says another part. Why do I have to do something all of the time? Why can’t I just be? Perhaps because I am not mindful enough to remember to just be. I would sink into mindlessness, and that’s not acceptable. Why should The Husband keep his job just to support me? He deserves to retire more than I do. He works harder, has a better work ethic, and suffers greater stress than I do. Part of me thinks I should find a job for myself that would allow him to retire, but I don’t know if that is realistic. Maybe after we get rid of the mortgage I could continue full-time and he could at least switch to something less stressful.
Part of me needs to get back to work, even though most of me knows I don’t have a lot to do right now.
Showing posts with label deep meaning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep meaning. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Ah, Corporate Land
I am coming to the realization that what I do at my job does not matter. It does not matter not only in the big picture, but it also does not seem to matter in the silliness that is the corporate world. You see, I have done a lot of stuff in Corporate Land that is pretty insignificant when you compare them to things like illness, suffering, love, life, and death. However, the stuff I did at least seem to matter to the projects and campaigns on which I was working.
Now, the procedures I am writing appear to be completely useless – even within the project for which they were intended. My procedures seem to be a middle step between the process flows and the training materials. Thing is, there does not need to be a middle step between the process flows and the training materials. And, the procedures I am writing are too high-level to be used as the training materials – so someone else is developing the training – without even looking at the procedures I have written.
I wish someone else would realize this and let me go. I am not adding value to the organization, and it’s getting tiring. I have decided to start by subtly suggesting that perhaps the procedures that I have already done are all that are needed. Then, perhaps I could mention that I would write more, but the workstreams do not seem to need them anymore – they are focusing now on the training and the workarounds needed in case the systems don’t cooperate on Day One. So, I try to keep busy (or at least busy looking). I have volunteered to be of assistance for other areas – perhaps if I keep volunteering, someone will realize that I have too much time on my hands. (Sigh.)
Yes, I am job hunting. It’s hard to do that at work (ethics, anyone?) but if they don’t see that I am not adding value (despite my hints), they are not paying attention.
Fortunately, this too will pass. Probably soon – and then on to the next big project in Corporate Land.
Now, the procedures I am writing appear to be completely useless – even within the project for which they were intended. My procedures seem to be a middle step between the process flows and the training materials. Thing is, there does not need to be a middle step between the process flows and the training materials. And, the procedures I am writing are too high-level to be used as the training materials – so someone else is developing the training – without even looking at the procedures I have written.
I wish someone else would realize this and let me go. I am not adding value to the organization, and it’s getting tiring. I have decided to start by subtly suggesting that perhaps the procedures that I have already done are all that are needed. Then, perhaps I could mention that I would write more, but the workstreams do not seem to need them anymore – they are focusing now on the training and the workarounds needed in case the systems don’t cooperate on Day One. So, I try to keep busy (or at least busy looking). I have volunteered to be of assistance for other areas – perhaps if I keep volunteering, someone will realize that I have too much time on my hands. (Sigh.)
Yes, I am job hunting. It’s hard to do that at work (ethics, anyone?) but if they don’t see that I am not adding value (despite my hints), they are not paying attention.
Fortunately, this too will pass. Probably soon – and then on to the next big project in Corporate Land.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Recurring dreams
I have three themes that keep recurring in my dreams. I do not have the same dream over and over, but somehow I manage to have variations on dreams about my parents’ new house, getting lost on a college campus, and missing classes in high school.
My parents have moved twice since they lived in the house in which I grew up. Both of them are creative people who have definitely made their marks on the houses they owned, through redecorating, massive gardens and reconstruction. The dreams I have of their new houses always feature a different house, but the over-arching premise of the dream is that whatever new house they have, it’s over-the-top magnificent. Opulent chandeliers, breathtaking beachfronts, amazing closets, top-of-the-line appliances, interior waterfalls — it’s all there. I am not sure what this means, but perhaps I am in awe of their creativity and how they have transformed their previous houses into homes that truly were theirs.
The other two dream themes center on education. The college dream, in which I seem to be lost on campus, sometimes finds me in my dorm for part of the dream and other times I am wandering between buildings. One constant is that even though I cannot find my way, I already have multiple post-graduate degrees from this institution. Perhaps I understand that just because I have a college degree, I know I will never stop learning — but somehow will always need a map to get myself where I want to be!
The other dream theme finds me walking the halls of a mystery high school deciding if I am going to attend class or not. While I know that I have already graduated, I still feel a pang of guilt at the thought of skipping a class. What does this mean? Looking back, I did not exactly apply myself during my senior year of high school (I had “senioritis” that set in after I had been accepted to my desired universities). I later redeemed myself in college, earning 4.0 quarters and making the Dean’s List. Do I doubt the validity of my high school diploma? And if so, why does this matter now that I am old enough to have college-aged children of my own (not to mention a Bachelor’s degree)? Perhaps I feel that I could have graduated with honors if I had tried harder. I don’t know.
It’s interesting that I have never had the same actual dream twice. I enjoy dreaming of the palatial estates of my dream parents and do not mind trying to find my way on a university campus, but the high school dreams annoy me. This year is my 25th high school reunion — I would like to put any issues I have with my high school education to bed (pun certainly intended!).
My parents have moved twice since they lived in the house in which I grew up. Both of them are creative people who have definitely made their marks on the houses they owned, through redecorating, massive gardens and reconstruction. The dreams I have of their new houses always feature a different house, but the over-arching premise of the dream is that whatever new house they have, it’s over-the-top magnificent. Opulent chandeliers, breathtaking beachfronts, amazing closets, top-of-the-line appliances, interior waterfalls — it’s all there. I am not sure what this means, but perhaps I am in awe of their creativity and how they have transformed their previous houses into homes that truly were theirs.
The other two dream themes center on education. The college dream, in which I seem to be lost on campus, sometimes finds me in my dorm for part of the dream and other times I am wandering between buildings. One constant is that even though I cannot find my way, I already have multiple post-graduate degrees from this institution. Perhaps I understand that just because I have a college degree, I know I will never stop learning — but somehow will always need a map to get myself where I want to be!
The other dream theme finds me walking the halls of a mystery high school deciding if I am going to attend class or not. While I know that I have already graduated, I still feel a pang of guilt at the thought of skipping a class. What does this mean? Looking back, I did not exactly apply myself during my senior year of high school (I had “senioritis” that set in after I had been accepted to my desired universities). I later redeemed myself in college, earning 4.0 quarters and making the Dean’s List. Do I doubt the validity of my high school diploma? And if so, why does this matter now that I am old enough to have college-aged children of my own (not to mention a Bachelor’s degree)? Perhaps I feel that I could have graduated with honors if I had tried harder. I don’t know.
It’s interesting that I have never had the same actual dream twice. I enjoy dreaming of the palatial estates of my dream parents and do not mind trying to find my way on a university campus, but the high school dreams annoy me. This year is my 25th high school reunion — I would like to put any issues I have with my high school education to bed (pun certainly intended!).
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Random thoughts...
I have always wanted to be a writer. It dawned on me the other day that I have a blog set up just for this purpose... and I don't use it. This is a vehicle I am not driving very often, eh?
So - here's some typing on my blog. Let's see what turns up!
Guilt! (How's that for a start?)
When I was a child, I thought the VW Bugs were groovy. They weren't your ordinary dull sedan, but they had an essence of fun and joy about them. I was disappointed to learn that they were going out of production and that the ones built in Mexico were not "street legal" in the United States. (Sigh.)
Later on in life, I was able to purchase my very first new car. I did my research, drove some test drives, and decided on the Saturn SL2. A practical but not too boring car... I added the rear spoiler to give it a little bit of an edge. (Did I use the word "edge" when writing about a Saturn? Sorry - it won't happen again.)
Shortly after the purchase of my new SL2, Volkswagen announced the production of the New Beetle. Lousy timing! Well, I did have a four-door car and The Husband had his two-door Ranger, so it was all for the best that I did not get a New Beetle anyway, right? After all, there is that one time every ten or 11 months where having a four-door vehicle comes in handy, right? Bah! I was not happy. I wanted a Beetle!
Years past and I grew to appreciate the Saturn. It was a fine car - easy to maintain and a nifty shade of blue. Then it came time for The Husband to get a new truck. He did his research, drove some test drives, and decided on a four-door Dodge Dakota. We had an addition to the family in the time since we had the Ranger... Pepper. He's a big dog and needs a back seat in the new truck all for himself. We need the four doors. I did not say anything, but the main reason (besides Pepper's comfort, natch!) that I supported the purchase of the Dakota was that The Husband could then be the one who could drive the vehicle with the four doors (for that one time every ten or 11 months where those extra back doors could be handy...).
So - two years later, it is time for me to get a new car. I did not do any research and only did one test drive... to help me decide if I wanted a New Beetle with an automatic transmission or a manual transmission. I decided on not only the manual, but a diesel as well. (This car of mine gets super mileage - about 43 to 45 MPG!)
Oh yeah... the guilt part. There's guilt along for the ride here. Allow me to explain.
When I was a child who longed for a VW Bug because they were cute and fun and swell, I had no idea that the car I admired was actually designed by Adolph Hitler. Yes, that Adolph Hitler. So much for cute, fun and swell. Not only that, but the Volkswagen company employed Jewish slave labor in their factories (okay, perhaps "employed" is not the right word...). Swell.
As The Husband and I were discussing the financing and purchase of a new car for me, I wrestled with my thoughts on this. How on earth could I enjoy a car designed by such an evil person? I searched for any redeeming aspect of the Volkswagen Company and found that while they have paid reparations for their part in the oppression of the Jews and others during the Holocaust, they weren't as quick about it as I would have liked. (Of course, I realize that very few corporations would ever meet my exacting standards of conduct - especially when it comes to human rights.)
That said, I also realized that very few car corporations would meet my standards... so then what would I drive?
Back to my youth. I remember when the Ford Pinto had a reputation for exploding upon rear impact due to the design of the gas tank. I rode in one once and insisted on sitting in the front passenger seat. People died as a result and the Ford Corporation was sued many times. At first, the lawsuits were not in Ford's favor - but all they had to do was pay actual damages to the plaintiffs (i.e., the cost of the destroyed Pinto). They knew that this was a much cheaper way to go than to redesign the Pinto and re-tool the factories, so they just kept getting sued and paying victims off for the cost of their cars. Never mind that people were still dying and getting burnt (literally and figuratively).
One day, a case went to court (Ford Motor Corporation versus some family of yet another Pinto victim) and not only did the plaintiff get actual damages, but punitive damages were also awarded to the tune of millions of dollars. This finally got Ford to change. I can't remember exactly, but I seem to recall that 53 people died in Pinto explosions. IMHO, that's 53 too many.
What does the Pinto have to do with this? After I learned all about the whole Pinto saga, I decided that a company that has such disregard for human life does not ever deserve my money. I started a personal boycott of Ford. (Never mind that I couldn't have afforded one anyway at the time... I was just a kid.)
(Note: Sharp readers may have caught that The Husband drove a Ranger at one time. I had to okay this because we purchased it used and it was not my vehicle anyway. Ford did not get our money from that purchase.)
Years flew past (again!) and I came to learn that Ford is now a well-respected company when it comes to supporting the GLBT population. DiversityInc. includes Ford in its list of the best companies for supporting diversity. I even heard about how some conservative groups wanted Ford to pull its ads in GLBT-focused publications or be boycotted - and Ford refused. Now that is the conduct of a corporation I can support! Human rights are important to me and I respect the way that Ford stood up for their beliefs.
The point? Companies can change. Ford management that made horrible decisions in the past is gone. Sure, there are still companies that could make my blood boil, but perhaps it's time to realize that VW has moved beyond the days of slave labor and anti-Semitism?
Finally, I found an article written by a Jewish woman about her longing for a New Beetle and the guilt that she felt about wanting a car with this sordid history. And this woman's grandmother was held in a concentration camp during WWII! Furthermore, this woman lived in New York City and really had no need for a car at all. But she wanted this New Beetle in a way to which I could not even relate. This woman finally went to her grandmother with her conflicting desire to have a German car and not disrespect the suffering her people went through. Her grandmother's response to the woman's yearning for a New Beetle? "Finally, the war is over," the grandmother said. It was time to move on. Just buy the car and enjoy life.
So - I have my platinum grey New Beetle TDI with package 1 (sunroof, cool wheels, heated seats, etc.). I love my car. It's cute and fun and swell. And every now and then, when I feel guilty about my car, I remember the Holocaust survivor grandmother and pledge to enjoy life and move on.
So - here's some typing on my blog. Let's see what turns up!
Guilt! (How's that for a start?)
When I was a child, I thought the VW Bugs were groovy. They weren't your ordinary dull sedan, but they had an essence of fun and joy about them. I was disappointed to learn that they were going out of production and that the ones built in Mexico were not "street legal" in the United States. (Sigh.)
Later on in life, I was able to purchase my very first new car. I did my research, drove some test drives, and decided on the Saturn SL2. A practical but not too boring car... I added the rear spoiler to give it a little bit of an edge. (Did I use the word "edge" when writing about a Saturn? Sorry - it won't happen again.)
Shortly after the purchase of my new SL2, Volkswagen announced the production of the New Beetle. Lousy timing! Well, I did have a four-door car and The Husband had his two-door Ranger, so it was all for the best that I did not get a New Beetle anyway, right? After all, there is that one time every ten or 11 months where having a four-door vehicle comes in handy, right? Bah! I was not happy. I wanted a Beetle!
Years past and I grew to appreciate the Saturn. It was a fine car - easy to maintain and a nifty shade of blue. Then it came time for The Husband to get a new truck. He did his research, drove some test drives, and decided on a four-door Dodge Dakota. We had an addition to the family in the time since we had the Ranger... Pepper. He's a big dog and needs a back seat in the new truck all for himself. We need the four doors. I did not say anything, but the main reason (besides Pepper's comfort, natch!) that I supported the purchase of the Dakota was that The Husband could then be the one who could drive the vehicle with the four doors (for that one time every ten or 11 months where those extra back doors could be handy...).
So - two years later, it is time for me to get a new car. I did not do any research and only did one test drive... to help me decide if I wanted a New Beetle with an automatic transmission or a manual transmission. I decided on not only the manual, but a diesel as well. (This car of mine gets super mileage - about 43 to 45 MPG!)
Oh yeah... the guilt part. There's guilt along for the ride here. Allow me to explain.
When I was a child who longed for a VW Bug because they were cute and fun and swell, I had no idea that the car I admired was actually designed by Adolph Hitler. Yes, that Adolph Hitler. So much for cute, fun and swell. Not only that, but the Volkswagen company employed Jewish slave labor in their factories (okay, perhaps "employed" is not the right word...). Swell.
As The Husband and I were discussing the financing and purchase of a new car for me, I wrestled with my thoughts on this. How on earth could I enjoy a car designed by such an evil person? I searched for any redeeming aspect of the Volkswagen Company and found that while they have paid reparations for their part in the oppression of the Jews and others during the Holocaust, they weren't as quick about it as I would have liked. (Of course, I realize that very few corporations would ever meet my exacting standards of conduct - especially when it comes to human rights.)
That said, I also realized that very few car corporations would meet my standards... so then what would I drive?
Back to my youth. I remember when the Ford Pinto had a reputation for exploding upon rear impact due to the design of the gas tank. I rode in one once and insisted on sitting in the front passenger seat. People died as a result and the Ford Corporation was sued many times. At first, the lawsuits were not in Ford's favor - but all they had to do was pay actual damages to the plaintiffs (i.e., the cost of the destroyed Pinto). They knew that this was a much cheaper way to go than to redesign the Pinto and re-tool the factories, so they just kept getting sued and paying victims off for the cost of their cars. Never mind that people were still dying and getting burnt (literally and figuratively).
One day, a case went to court (Ford Motor Corporation versus some family of yet another Pinto victim) and not only did the plaintiff get actual damages, but punitive damages were also awarded to the tune of millions of dollars. This finally got Ford to change. I can't remember exactly, but I seem to recall that 53 people died in Pinto explosions. IMHO, that's 53 too many.
What does the Pinto have to do with this? After I learned all about the whole Pinto saga, I decided that a company that has such disregard for human life does not ever deserve my money. I started a personal boycott of Ford. (Never mind that I couldn't have afforded one anyway at the time... I was just a kid.)
(Note: Sharp readers may have caught that The Husband drove a Ranger at one time. I had to okay this because we purchased it used and it was not my vehicle anyway. Ford did not get our money from that purchase.)
Years flew past (again!) and I came to learn that Ford is now a well-respected company when it comes to supporting the GLBT population. DiversityInc. includes Ford in its list of the best companies for supporting diversity. I even heard about how some conservative groups wanted Ford to pull its ads in GLBT-focused publications or be boycotted - and Ford refused. Now that is the conduct of a corporation I can support! Human rights are important to me and I respect the way that Ford stood up for their beliefs.
The point? Companies can change. Ford management that made horrible decisions in the past is gone. Sure, there are still companies that could make my blood boil, but perhaps it's time to realize that VW has moved beyond the days of slave labor and anti-Semitism?
Finally, I found an article written by a Jewish woman about her longing for a New Beetle and the guilt that she felt about wanting a car with this sordid history. And this woman's grandmother was held in a concentration camp during WWII! Furthermore, this woman lived in New York City and really had no need for a car at all. But she wanted this New Beetle in a way to which I could not even relate. This woman finally went to her grandmother with her conflicting desire to have a German car and not disrespect the suffering her people went through. Her grandmother's response to the woman's yearning for a New Beetle? "Finally, the war is over," the grandmother said. It was time to move on. Just buy the car and enjoy life.
So - I have my platinum grey New Beetle TDI with package 1 (sunroof, cool wheels, heated seats, etc.). I love my car. It's cute and fun and swell. And every now and then, when I feel guilty about my car, I remember the Holocaust survivor grandmother and pledge to enjoy life and move on.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Deism 101
Belief in God + God-Given Reason = Deism
http://www.deism.com/deism_defined.htm
Interesting stuff! For quite a while, I have not been 100% comfortable with organized religion, yet I have always felt a need for an "organized" way to express my spiritual beliefs.
I have long thought that religion was fine -- it was the human beings who "ran" organized religions that I could not always trust. Face it -- while a lot of good has come from belief in an organized religion, lots and lots of suffering has also come from belief in organized religions. Furthermore, some of the good has been done with an ulterior motive (e.g., missionaries who clothe and feed the poor only if they listen to their preaching).
Who wrote the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, the Book of Mormon, etc.? Humans. I am certainly not anti-human, but us human types tend to have our own biases and perspectives on the world. That's not necessarily a bad thing, until you get some who take things and run too far with them (e.g., the Inquisition, September 11, etc.).
What did God write? Flowers, mountains, solar systems, puppies, love. This is not from a book, nor from an organized religion. God created all, and then left us to take His wonderful gifts (flowers, mountains, etc...) and run with them. We only need to send prayers of Thanksgiving, because to pray for anything else is silly. Didn't God already give you everything you need? You have reason, free will and intelligence because God gave them to you. Now, all you have to do is choose to use them (or not).
We (us human types) have all we need - including peace - if we choose to have it. We have incredible knowledge and potential (for good and for bad). We also have been given this beautiful planet on which to live (and share with the other creations God made, especially puppies - my bias there!).
Anyway, when I hear people praying for their team to win the football game, I have to think, "God gave you so much and all you can do is ask for your lousy team to win a game?!?" When I hear people praying for peace, I think, "We have the God-given abilities to make peace happen ourselves! It's us who are choosing not to use those abilities, not God's choice not to allow peace to happen."
Thank you, God. I have all I need.
http://www.deism.com/deism_defined.htm
Interesting stuff! For quite a while, I have not been 100% comfortable with organized religion, yet I have always felt a need for an "organized" way to express my spiritual beliefs.
I have long thought that religion was fine -- it was the human beings who "ran" organized religions that I could not always trust. Face it -- while a lot of good has come from belief in an organized religion, lots and lots of suffering has also come from belief in organized religions. Furthermore, some of the good has been done with an ulterior motive (e.g., missionaries who clothe and feed the poor only if they listen to their preaching).
Who wrote the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, the Book of Mormon, etc.? Humans. I am certainly not anti-human, but us human types tend to have our own biases and perspectives on the world. That's not necessarily a bad thing, until you get some who take things and run too far with them (e.g., the Inquisition, September 11, etc.).
What did God write? Flowers, mountains, solar systems, puppies, love. This is not from a book, nor from an organized religion. God created all, and then left us to take His wonderful gifts (flowers, mountains, etc...) and run with them. We only need to send prayers of Thanksgiving, because to pray for anything else is silly. Didn't God already give you everything you need? You have reason, free will and intelligence because God gave them to you. Now, all you have to do is choose to use them (or not).
We (us human types) have all we need - including peace - if we choose to have it. We have incredible knowledge and potential (for good and for bad). We also have been given this beautiful planet on which to live (and share with the other creations God made, especially puppies - my bias there!).
Anyway, when I hear people praying for their team to win the football game, I have to think, "God gave you so much and all you can do is ask for your lousy team to win a game?!?" When I hear people praying for peace, I think, "We have the God-given abilities to make peace happen ourselves! It's us who are choosing not to use those abilities, not God's choice not to allow peace to happen."
Thank you, God. I have all I need.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Mid-Life Crisis
Well, actually, it's not truly a crisis, but a time to pause and consider life as it is right now.
No, I don't need a red convertible or a pool boy to ogle at home (I don't even have a pool). I am quite content with my Beetle and The Husband, thank you.
I have, however, been pondering my situation on Planet Earth for a while now. When The Husband and I started our lives together, we had little money and lousy jobs. Our first apartment had a very noisy furnace and the second apartment had very noisy neighbors, but we kept going... somehow knowing that things would "get better". We would have our own house someday -- we would have dependable cars someday -- we would have respectable jobs that paid respectable salaries someday.
Well, the days where I would go to a mall and think about how nice it would be to be able to freely actually buy stuff came and went... and before long I would go to a mall and simply purchase what I wanted.
The first house was nice. The first late-model used cars were nice. The first new car was even better. The second house is great. The second and third new cars are cool. Buying stuff when I wanted to was fun.
This was great... for a while. Then I realized that more "stuff" did not translate into anything other than more "stuff". (Hardly an original realization, I know.)
Now I no longer enjoy accumulating stuff, but I must admit that I do like the security that our present position allows. However, how much of my soul have I sold to get here? Do I really want to spend the rest of my days as a corporate drone just for a little security?
What to do?
Move off the grid completely? Pull a Jeremiah Johnson and leave society and all its trappings?
Please. While I have contemplated a more simple life, going completely off into the wilderness would not be a good idea (I know myself too well). It's a little extreme, don't you think? Even The Husband wouldn't want to completely abandon civilization.
I am still wrestling with this (and have been for a year or so now). But then, isn't life full of opportunities to review our existance and consider alternatives?
The issue is that I am needing to do something more to find my direction now. One option is to stay on my current path, go to work at the Really Big Bank, and enjoy the benefits. Another option is to change the path, but how? What direction? What sacrifices will need to be made to find a new situation? Will it be worth it?
Any ideas out there? Anyone?
No, I don't need a red convertible or a pool boy to ogle at home (I don't even have a pool). I am quite content with my Beetle and The Husband, thank you.
I have, however, been pondering my situation on Planet Earth for a while now. When The Husband and I started our lives together, we had little money and lousy jobs. Our first apartment had a very noisy furnace and the second apartment had very noisy neighbors, but we kept going... somehow knowing that things would "get better". We would have our own house someday -- we would have dependable cars someday -- we would have respectable jobs that paid respectable salaries someday.
Well, the days where I would go to a mall and think about how nice it would be to be able to freely actually buy stuff came and went... and before long I would go to a mall and simply purchase what I wanted.
The first house was nice. The first late-model used cars were nice. The first new car was even better. The second house is great. The second and third new cars are cool. Buying stuff when I wanted to was fun.
This was great... for a while. Then I realized that more "stuff" did not translate into anything other than more "stuff". (Hardly an original realization, I know.)
Now I no longer enjoy accumulating stuff, but I must admit that I do like the security that our present position allows. However, how much of my soul have I sold to get here? Do I really want to spend the rest of my days as a corporate drone just for a little security?
What to do?
Move off the grid completely? Pull a Jeremiah Johnson and leave society and all its trappings?
Please. While I have contemplated a more simple life, going completely off into the wilderness would not be a good idea (I know myself too well). It's a little extreme, don't you think? Even The Husband wouldn't want to completely abandon civilization.
I am still wrestling with this (and have been for a year or so now). But then, isn't life full of opportunities to review our existance and consider alternatives?
The issue is that I am needing to do something more to find my direction now. One option is to stay on my current path, go to work at the Really Big Bank, and enjoy the benefits. Another option is to change the path, but how? What direction? What sacrifices will need to be made to find a new situation? Will it be worth it?
Any ideas out there? Anyone?
Monday, January 22, 2007
The Meaning of Life
No, not the Monty Python movie (although I did get some good tips from that flick, such as 1) avoid the salmon mousse, and 2) when in the hospital, you always want to be in the room with the machine that goes "bing!").
Seriously... why are we here? (If I am going to have a blog, I might as well go for the BIG QUESTIONS, right?)
The band Rush has a simple answer for this question in the song Roll The Bones. The song asks, "Why are we here?" and then answers, "Because we're here." Part of me gets that, part of me wants more...
Seriously... why are we here? (If I am going to have a blog, I might as well go for the BIG QUESTIONS, right?)
The band Rush has a simple answer for this question in the song Roll The Bones. The song asks, "Why are we here?" and then answers, "Because we're here." Part of me gets that, part of me wants more...
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