I'm bored

To whom do I owe this situation? I am not a fraud, nor do I want to rip anyone off. I just want a decent job at a decent wage, no farther than South Minneapolis, no closer than my own home. Productivity is a healthy thing. I do want to work – getting paid for nothing does not please me one bit. I have no need for any more material goods – I only want to keep and maintain what I have. I enjoy travel, but do not need to see the entire world in first class accommodations. Future security is good, but I do not need to have multiple residences in retirement – just the one will do, thank you. We’re planning to have the house paid off in our mid-50s, so that will help keep our future going where it should go.

I do not like boredom. Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. In that case, do I truly want freedom? The Buddhist in me says, “Yes.” The American in me says, “Let’s clarify this ‘nothing left’ part… because heaven forbid that I lose anything that I have.” (If that’s not clinging, I am not sure what is…)

Today’s my birthday. Big deal. It’s not like my childhood when I would have a party with presents and sweets. It’s not like this birthday is of any importance –I already have my driver’s license, I can legally purchase alcohol, I am a registered voter. I am years away from becoming a member of AARP, which is just fine by me. I suppose the next age of note will come when I am able to retire, but that’s not a set age (unlike 16, 18 or 21). I do not know when I will retire, and I don’t know what “retirement” will even look like when it comes. I suspect that I will still work somehow – just to keep myself social and in a little bit of money.

This moment is good. That’s all there is – this moment. A few minutes ago is gone. Last year is so history. Later today is not here now, and we have no idea what will “later today” mean. That’s all.

So what about this situation? I feel guilt for sticking around when I have nothing to do (except mark my hours on a time card).