Mid-Life Crisis

Well, actually, it's not truly a crisis, but a time to pause and consider life as it is right now.

No, I don't need a red convertible or a pool boy to ogle at home (I don't even have a pool). I am quite content with my Beetle and The Husband, thank you.

I have, however, been pondering my situation on Planet Earth for a while now. When The Husband and I started our lives together, we had little money and lousy jobs. Our first apartment had a very noisy furnace and the second apartment had very noisy neighbors, but we kept going... somehow knowing that things would "get better". We would have our own house someday -- we would have dependable cars someday -- we would have respectable jobs that paid respectable salaries someday.

Well, the days where I would go to a mall and think about how nice it would be to be able to freely actually buy stuff came and went... and before long I would go to a mall and simply purchase what I wanted.

The first house was nice. The first late-model used cars were nice. The first new car was even better. The second house is great. The second and third new cars are cool. Buying stuff when I wanted to was fun.

This was great... for a while. Then I realized that more "stuff" did not translate into anything other than more "stuff". (Hardly an original realization, I know.)

Now I no longer enjoy accumulating stuff, but I must admit that I do like the security that our present position allows. However, how much of my soul have I sold to get here? Do I really want to spend the rest of my days as a corporate drone just for a little security?

What to do?

Move off the grid completely? Pull a Jeremiah Johnson and leave society and all its trappings?

Please. While I have contemplated a more simple life, going completely off into the wilderness would not be a good idea (I know myself too well). It's a little extreme, don't you think? Even The Husband wouldn't want to completely abandon civilization.

I am still wrestling with this (and have been for a year or so now). But then, isn't life full of opportunities to review our existance and consider alternatives?

The issue is that I am needing to do something more to find my direction now. One option is to stay on my current path, go to work at the Really Big Bank, and enjoy the benefits. Another option is to change the path, but how? What direction? What sacrifices will need to be made to find a new situation? Will it be worth it?

Any ideas out there? Anyone?

Sad Update

Beau is gone. She's actually been gone since May 15, but I am just that bad at updating my blog.

She died in my arms. The vet assured me that The Husband and I made the right decision. Beau had gone on a quick decline, indicating to the vet that more was going on than just the kidney disease (probably cancer). I bawled and called The Husband from the animal hospital, then bawled more while they gave me time to say goodbye to The Pretty Beau, then the vet came in to take care of things, and I bawled some more. They gave me all the time I needed afterward in the exam room with my deceased sweet girl. I finally went home, cried a little more, then waited for The Husband to get home from work.

When he got home, we cried and found a good spot in the yard (near a lilac bush and a flowering crabapple tree), The H dug a hole and picked a new daffodil to lay on top of the box with our baby inside. We cried. She was gone.

It's been a week and a half and I still ache. Not as much, but enough. She was beautiful and affectionate and we miss her very much. She enhanced our lives for 12 years and for that I am grateful.

On the way home from work today I stopped at the Minnesota Valley Humane Society where we picked up little baby Beau so long ago. I asked if they wanted her food (we still had pouches and cans of food that we cannot use for our other cat Monti - he'll barf it right up). I told the lady behind the desk about my Beautiful Beaujolais and she humored me nicely (she did actually seem interested, but then again she works at a humane society... she must be into animals!). She offered me a donation receipt, but I just told her that this was to honor Beau. No receipt necessary.

I miss my baby.

Sad news

My darling Beaujolais has had kidney disease for a couple of months now. We thought we could treat her chronic condition with special food and subcutaneous fluids every other day... but it seems that her condition has worsened.

I will be taking her to the vet today to see what can be done. Her quality of life - and her weight - have diminished quite a bit in the past month. She no longer purrs and does not seem to even want to eat or drink. The Husband and I have been preparing ourselves for the worst, and now the worst seems to be here.

For a while I was not ready to part with my Beautiful Beau, but now I feel it would be selfish to keep her going. I am going to miss our Pretty Beau.